lets play a game. the game is called who-wants-alex! sound fun or what? contestant one is jimmy kane, lets give him a big applause. *alex sulks in the corner* i dont like this game, yet im the star of it. funny how that seems to occur.

mm im talking to Youseff on MSN! aah how i miss him. it's summer, sexy hot summer, and i want to go to Seeds of Peace. but i cant. meh. i had fun at amber babes, we watched 3 movies and shopped and ate. those things that tara introduced me too, twerps or whatever, are soo good and addicting. aah. junk food=soo addicting and soo bad but soo good!

and i love taralynne. i dont remember if i said that we went beaching the other day and that it rocked, if i did you hear it again. if not then well it ROCKED and im glad we hungout.

but anyyywaayys.

back to our game. jimmy darling loves alex very much, but alex is rather confused. for when she called michael at 530, michael said that jimmy didnt want to talk to her. and then mike tells alex that jimmy told mike that alex & jimmy were all broken up. but no one had tooldd alex this. hence, alex gets confused. and now alex is waiting for that jimmy bum to call. humm.

but see, why would jimmy tell michael that we broke up? did he even SAY that? and why didn't he want to talk to me? does he even care, does he even miss me? because im here at home going crazy barely able to keep it together and i want to break down all the time, i miss him it's terrible this is the hardest thing ever. why doesnt HE have that problem too? :? egh! stupid stupid shutup alex!!

and to sum that all up, i know he adores me so whats going on? i hate michael cowie, whats new there, he should die. and my hair is getting pretty blonde and rather long!!

well its not so bad, youre only the best i ever had.

and on the radio is a sad song,

that i don't want to hear anymore,

but all the doors are locked

and its too late to turn back now.

--low millions--

i miss you. whereever i seem to go, the ghost of you, of us weeks ago, tags along with me. i want to become busy and absorbed to stop thinking about you, to stop missing you. do you miss me too? are you too busy to even care? i hope not.

i need to go into my room and stuffs but first ive got to just.. vent.. or whatever. i dont even know, supposedly madeliene and i are going up to see jimmy and michael on friday. but friday night i go to amber's, so it's kindof like err.. i want to go up next week too, but i don't knoww. i dont like this and i knew i wouldnt like this and everyone tried to tell me that i wouldnt mind this. but oh, i mind this.

well school tomorrow, awards assembly with the whole school at 1. at least we get out of classes even though itll be too hot and boring in the gym.. meh. then im babysitting from 3-6, which is good because i need the money (as always) and tuesday i'm babysitting olivia from 530-830. so that's good money, and stuff to do lots. cool i guess. eerrghh, i just feel so bummed.

we talked so quick on the phone for maybe 4 minutes and it didnt sound like he missed me, but maybe thats because michael was right there? i dont know. i hate this. its stupid. i hate how emotional i hafta be, i wish i could just not CARE about him being gone and continue living. but no, i get all sad and moppy. oh tragic, stupid alex.

i can see it in your eyes,

you mean all that you say

--anberlin--

its easy once you know how its done

you cant stop now its already begun

you feel it runnin through your bones

and you Jerk it out.

not much to say i suppose. lots of feelings, nothing to be publicized.

going to the lakehouse for the weekend! with this crazy humid weather itll be nice. maybe some cool relaxing time, or maybe good guitar time too. but it sucks half too.

meh.

people are stupid

you see, they were never apparent

to anyone but them

they were only alive to each other

she was surreal and he was envied

what they had is now mine to tell

and its crazy when I think of it

how fast they came and went and

fell back together again

and they weren’t at all the same

she was quiet and conserved

never the same if it started to snow or rain

it wasn’t different,

he was just blind to notice

how quick the grey sky seemed to stay

and he wasn’t really insane

he just was the first to grasp

that losing her was a bullet to the head

they all told her that his heart was broken,

all because she'd gone

and no one understood why she didn't go back to pick up his pieces

but honestly, it wasn't the same

the timing was all wrong and it was her fault this go round

she would've liked him back,

but there was more then what met the eye

no one knew that all she wanted was one last time

to hold him to make him safe

hmm, i wrote that awhile. i think it's kindof cool. i'm really good, actually. really really good. cause i'm in love, and cause i have amber. and because we have 2 weeks of school until summer and tomorrow its going to be 90. hot hot hot.