i want a love that refreshes spontaneously, eskimo kisses before i fall into a deep slumber and lavious champagne. i want a kiss on the lips that makes me feel so weak i could die, and words whispered into my ear so softly i could drown into the ocean's waves.

today were auditions for semi after school. you raise me up ROCKED. they told us we got in, bc we were so good. i was happy. i did good with my song too, but i dont know if i got in with that until tomorrow.. bleh. i dont think i did, but i thought i did well anyway.

mrlawless is being a bum today and he got mad at me for passing notes, but thats okay. we have a 10point extra credit thing we can do, and i'm definitely doing it because extra credit in his class can NEVER hurt. it was kindof a boring day, really, especially because it just keeps raining all the time. we've had sucky weather for far too long. and worse, its gona continue for the next TWO WEEKS. ugh. and that means no tennis.. bummer, i hate maine.

i'm so cold all the time now that it's all cold outside. err! it's almost june, it's ridiculous. whatever. i love brittany, she's cute and i'm glad i met her i hope she can be my friend next year. i don't want highschool, i don't want change, i like who i am and i want jimmy to stay and ohh..

i miss jimmy, that love.

everything here is alrighty. mum is still the same, crazy singing whatever she can think of first and throwing to gether artwork. tomorrow and friday she's up to Bar Harbor to put work up at Redfield's.. which means eggs for every meal and watching olivia bc daddy will be working lots. dad's still working lots, and when he isnt working, he's trying to find another job. bleh. and olivia was sick today, so that means even more tears than nomral. and me, i'm just about fine so long as i have a guitar.

kathy mcgregor died yesterday, sad to hear. i bet dad's upset about it.. i know he really was fond of her. mom said we'll go to the funeral. i feel awkward going because i didn't know her that well. it's sad that she died and i feel so bad for her family, her kids. it would suck..

well, alright then. it's still raining. and now its just me and livi at home, i should go be productive. ciaoo

  cant you hear me, im screaming my heart out
  the rain pours all around us and youve got nothing to say
  and baby you cant just walk away leaving me here to get wet
  i know it means more to you than this, youre just over worked
  please turn back around to make your face next to mine
  you must know that we're never really over, not today or in a year
  baby please just kiss me hard or hold me tight,
  i'm screaming my heart out and i feel too cold on this summer's night
  your voice is lonely and it sounds so afraid
  just let yourself go, let yourself be easy with me
  whyre you sighing and whats on your fragile mind,
  i can read into you like a book of glass
  baby dont just let it all go and say that everythings okay
  all i want is to talk to you for awhile, for a little particle of time
  and as the rain gets harder the fading of your taste grows greater
  why cant i ever leave us alone?

bethtosome42: alex you are a strong girl, you know whats right and whats not, you are my inspriation

people are a pain the BUM. honestly! these girls leaving messages on my AIM and picture trail sites telling me to dump jimmy, oh jimmy doesnt love you. jimmy doesnt love me MY ASS. i know he loves me. he says theyre just jealous, he says he wants to be with me forever. so whoever you are, stay out of our relationship and find your OWN. dipshit :)

anyway, i'm very good! i went shopping today with bethany. got the *cutest* clothes, a white with flowers tunic and chunky orange bead necklace to match, polkadoted orange&hot pink flipflops, and a very awesome green polo tee. all for like $25. sweet! and then last night i went to beth's talent show, her voice is so beautiful. then we hung out and watched lots of one tree hill until 3 am or so, and finally crashed on the couch together. it was a blast.

jimmy is good, we hung out yesterday instead of today. i was kindof bummed because i wanted to do  his suprise today! but i have the whole 4 day weekend to do it, so i can. and im excited because memorial day ill be at acoustic coffee and he's coming, yay. but hes so good. i miss him, and we have until thursday to get through..

get the hell away from me,
im telling you to stay the fuck away
and if you arent gonna listen
youre going to have hell to pay

pinkchik 31: youre so cutee

BlondeChicka52: your so adorable:-*

seeds of peace
leaving tonight was hard as hell.. i feel incredibly blessed to know all of you, the memories are infinite. i wish i had all my life to talk like i was british while drinking cream with a bit of coffee

*mona howdyy guurrl, i wish i was ghetto like you ;D
*heather you are beautiful and remember the man+dq!!
*maryke id give many bean cans to tell you to shutup at 2am, yes i miss you that bad
*amber my love, youre my best friend and my smile. without you i wouldnt be who i am, i love you and i will always be there when you need a friend to lean on.
*audrey i owe you pics, youre so adorable hun.

err. i need nine inch nails new cd. that guys voice is soo fucking sexy, if he sang to me in that breathy sexy way that he wanted to do  me i would let him. yeah, thats making a point!

so today was bleh. it kindof sucked. whatever. jeremy is getting wierd stalker notes in his locker, 4 of them today. or maybe 3, whatever. i think its tara&molly. he thinks its ej. britt thinks its tara. jules thinks its molly. its just plain wierdd. science was fun, though. brittany and i just kindof laughed at everything, tried to shove popsicle sticks in jeremy's nose. i dont know why that was so awesome but at the moment it was hilarious and quite amusing. anyway.

we, being britt allie huber jeremy and i, rehersed you raise me up today for like 30 mins during 4th block. that was awesome. it is so beautiful, our voices blend perfectly. i'm pysched. and im trying to write a song to play too, but i dono if i'll have time. i need to go to starbirds to pick up sheet music. ergh, so little time. if i could drive life would be insanely good!

yeah. britt says she would get drunk with me. i bet i'd be fun to be drunk with, only i don't want to get drunk. so i just ruined that plan. i want to have a semi after party with a lot of girls, hmm. but the problem is that half my friends dont get along. whatever. whores.

things are a little tight at home because we're half broke. ha-ha, not exactly but. dad's got one month left of work and money is already wicked tight. bleh.. good thing im babysitting tomorrow. and andrea lavoie wants to buy a cd tomorrow also, yesss!

im freezing. the weather is so gross, it makes me feel depressed now that we've had the same dreary gray wetness for like a solid month. god. i want to go sit in the sun and soak it all up. yay, sweatshirt. the phone rang and it was some lady for mum.. i think it was a, whats it called, tellymarketer. yes. but im warm because i grabbed my sweatshirt when i brought her the phone.

today i get to pick up my pictures! ah! i cant wait to see them. and last night i got a new venus paradise razor.. woo. i almost got an electric one but freaked out and decided that they're too scary. hmm. at least my new one is this sexy pink color oo la la!

im kindof just rambling, whatever. we played softball today in gym. yeah, that was okay. i hate softball. i hate baseball too.  i cant find good music right now, this is bugging me. er! i want to go eat brownies. i'm going to get fat if i keep eating the way i am, oh well. or maybe my boobs will just become a c-cup. uck, that would be horrible.

i dare you to move.

the world is so perfect suddenly, is that just because i'm closer to you? am i melting just because you held me? am i close to getting to heaven merely because you whispered that you needed me? yes, i think so.

when i'm in your arms, you have complete power over me, and it makes me want to make me near you always. <333

when i see you, i come so close to melting. my stomach still gets butterflies whenever you're in the same room as i am. when you say soft and sweet, "i love you", i know that i wont ever be able to be without you. my love i'm in so far deep now, please dont break me.

your words can crush things that are unseen, so please be careful with me, i'm sensitive

you make me smile, you make me laugh, the world is a nirvana and a eutopia with you. i hope this never fades.. <33

its because you kiss so perfectly.

there's no time to think, only time to feel

your hands are on my waist and

my lips are finally closing in on yours

and all I can feel is your breathe on my neck

I’ve never been this close to heaven

and when you whisper those 3 words softly, sweetly

I think I’d rather melt than not have your delicate touch

gah, today i have had so many cough drops and all kinds of medicines and i've nearly died of boredom, and i still don't really feel better. being home sick sucks, because i cant DO anything. no one to talk to, nothing to laugh at, i cant sing because of my throat. err!!

and jimmy said he'd call at 8 but he hanst called me yet.. if he doesnt call by 8:40 i'm going to bed. *sighs* i love him many moons, but i dislike that he so often puts me in the back of his mind to hang out with john or mike.

in the same way that i hate staying home sick, i hate the thought of having to sit in chairs at tables learning for 6 1/2 hours tomorrow, or running 6 laps in tennis then hitting a yellow ball around. ehh.. whatever

10 minutes until it's 8:40. *wails* why cant he just call please please please. mom is out at some business class, so we had eggs and toast for dinner. olivia and dad are watching american idol, and im not staying up to watch one tree hill and for once i dont care. bleh. i'm bored and sick and i should go to sleepy land but i'm waiting patiently..

hiding underneath my blankets and sheets, i'm finally free.

right now i'm so in love with you.
and i don't want to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do.
lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars.

[Chorus]
nothing quite like the feel of something new.
maybe i'm all messed up.
maybe i'm all messed up.
maybe i'm all messed up in you.
this is the only time i really feel alive.

i swear i just found everything i need.
the sweat in your eyes the blood in your veins are listening to me.
i want to wrap it up and swim in it until i drown

--nine inch nails, the only time

i feel very alive, very like myself. last night bethy slept over and we had such a blast! we walked to dunkin donuts in the rain, with sunglasses and umbrellas, talking on walkietalkies while we were right next to eachother. then we paid in ALL change. mwahha! it was fabulous, to be crazy and misfit with a partner in crime. mhm, i love life. and i'm overflowing with excitement to see jimmy today just because i love him, i love him, he loves me. oh, its beautiful.