i cant help you, i dont even want to try.

the sad stories that are shown in your eyes,

they're ones i choose not to buy.

and for being stronger than the rest,

even i cant be the best of the best

i break into pieces and don't pass your  test

i'm sorry, i'm really sorry, i can't be anything

other than this girl right here, this girl is me.

you look through the glasses, and you can see

all the things i wish that i could be,

but you don't know me deeper than skin.

i try and you don't see where i'm going,

you speak without even knowing

that the words escaping your lips

are so bitter are harsh, are you even aware

of the tone of voice, how it seems you don't care?

see the girl in the corner,

the one with the headphones on?

that's me, that's how i try to keep it locked in.

and i know you all whisper, "she's so strong

always knows right never does wrong

i think she's the most amazing friend"

i don't want to be your letdown, your excuse to fall

when you eventually find out, i've failed it all

you'll think that i'm standing up far too tall

and i'm sorry, so so sorry, you had to see me like this.

i never meant for you to watch me break apart,

piece by piece, i try to put together my heart

with an audience of the whole cast at my feet,

and i swear these tears aren't real, i don't have feeling

i'm sorry you have to see me when i'm at my worst.

today is tuesday. do you think there's a song about tuesday? i suppose there is, but the only songs with a week-day name coming to mind are "sunday bloody sunday" by U2 and that Dashboard Confessional song that says "i miss you on Wednesdays" or something along those lines.

i'm alrighty-smoky-poky. today was a good day, which made me glad. our new schedules aren't so bad, and lizzy is in my pod! afterschool i hung out with bethy christina and amanda! ahh it was such fun. we laughed and had way too much sugar and it was fabbity fabbity fab! ahh yay. i ran the show today, it went okay. i'm gonna try to run lines like CRAZY the next few days.

and hmm isn't jimmy lovely? i hungout with him last night. mainly we just were goobers but i honestly didn't care what we did, just needed to be with him. he took my mind off everything that's going on, cause my head has been so crazy with thoughts lately and i'm getting myself over-stressed about it all, and he just took it away. ahh i love the way he kisses.. i really shouldnt be posting all this on the internet but oh well, who the hell cares. its not like its unobvious that i love love love him.

hmm well i guess i'll go, i'm so happy. i feel reassured about The Wizard of Oz, and i feel happy. HAPPY! god it feels so good. i hope that everyone has the chance to feel as amazing as i do.

i wrote a new song.. might as well post it in here.

Accidents Shouldn’t Happen

I look in the mirror

and the charcoal’s smudged

all over my forehead

and I swear, that’s why

you won’t kiss me

but maybe, maybe if

I was a little bit prettier

there’s no you and me anymore

I skip the cracks

on the sidewalk

push my sunglasses into my hair

and the sunlight burns

but it feels alright,

feels like the summertime lovin’

you used to give me

Did you want to

break my heart?

Was it an accident?

Please, please say it was an accident

I don’t feel beautiful anymore

there’s no you and me anymore

I started looking for

someone to be

until down in the cellar

I found me, shattered again

with the dates and little grains of sand

stuck to my hair

I cant even face me anymore

mm i feel like heaven. i took a bath for a half hour, then a shower for a few minutes, and i feel soo delicious. i didnt answer the phone though it rang twice, and i just sat with my thoughts and my cute playlist of acoustic music. oh bliss bliss bliss

jimboooo325876: i love u
jimboooo325876: i love u alot

yes, we are really good. finally finally finally. i feel like every day, i am free of the sorrows i had faced 2, 3 weeks ago. mm it's yum. we talked on the phone for like 3 hours yesterday! ahh!! =) and tomarrow is a 1/2 day (today was too) and we're hanging out. yum.

otherwise, life is going along i suppose. i mean when jimmy+alex are good, alex's general outlook on life is good. drama is ridiculous- it frustrates me. a lot. more than a lot. a hell of a lot. because i waste 2 hours eveeeryy day, and i dont know any of my lines..i'm actually quite stressed out about it. i don't know half the blocking, or what not. in general, i feel unstable with a lot of my friendships and fed up with certain people. (tara, amber.) but that's okay, because it all evens out in the end =) yeah, i suppose i'm in an unbreakable happiness mode right now anyhow.

You've got to believe, it'll be alright in the end. -Duran Duran.