SERiES 0NE - Y0U
Birth time: 11:03pm
Last place you traveled: err bar harbor, perhaps.
Eye Color: green!
Nail Color: ..normal..
Height: 5'7"
Zodiac Sign: Sagitarius

SERiES TW0 - DESCRiBE
Your heritage: german english irish
The shoes you wore today: pink vans
Your hair: blondee
Your weakness: peanut butter, love letters, and kisses on my forehead
Your fears: snakes and being alone in the dark.. aah!
Your perfect pizza: not a lot of sauce, cheese, and pepperoni. bleh.
One thing you'd like to achieve:  in life? being a good parent.

SERiES TWEE - WHAT IS..
Your most overused phrase on aim: nm
Your thoughts first waking up: what time it is
Your current worry: ziip.
Your plans tomorrow: babysitting then who knows!
Your best physical feature: eyes
Your greatest accomplishment: weeeeee!

SERiES F0UR - Y0U PREFER
Sunrise or sunset: sunset
Gore or horror: horror
Eastsiiiide or wessssside: no.
Stripes or poki dots: POLKA DOTS!!!!
Money or fame: money
Planes or trains: plans
Metal or hardcore: metal
Boxers or briefs: boxers yumm
Your life is: crazy
Pools or hot tubs: hot tuubsss

SERiES FiVE - D0 Y0U
Cuss: not lots
Do you think you've been in love: yes
Want to get married: uh-huh :]
Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: i dont know?
Like to take baths: yay yes!!
Get motion sickness: never ever
Like talking on the phone: oo yes
Like thunderstorms: sometimes
Play an instrument: Guitar+Piano
Workout: hahaa no way
Like reading: yes!

SERiES SIX - FAVORITES
Kind of fruit: strawberries or peaches
Music to fall asleep to: death cab for cutie
Time of the day: really late at night.
Feature in the opposite sex: smile
Car: black mazda spiderr
Number: none
Thing to do right before bed: clean up
Thing to say when you're mad: i rarely make sense when im pissed
Era: 90s.. sorry to be so predictable
Horror movie: i dono, i like all of them
Colors: pink &green

SERiES SEVEN - FUTURE
Age you hope to be married: when im ready.
Numbers & Names of Children: ooh 2, emma nicole & nicholas lawrence
Describe your Dream Wedding: just yummy and pretty and springlike!
How do you want to die: peacefully in my sleep
Where you want to go to college: berekley/juliard
What do you want to be when you grow up: musician
What country would you most like to visit: spain! or italy

oh you do, you do, you do

you make me want you

yeah i want you

i like you around,

cant get enough of you

oh do do do do you do

youre making me want you

Name:: Alexandra Heather Wilkins
Age:: 14
Gender:: chickaa
Height:: 5'7"
Birthday:: December 6, 1990
Hair Color:: Blondie
Describe yourself in one word:: Goober
Describe your personality in one word:: Affectionate

.:School Life:.
What grade are you in:: freshman!
What school do you go to:: DHS
And where is that:: Portland, Maine
Do you get good grades:: yup.
Favorite Subject:: LA / math!
.:Love Life:.
Sexual Preference:: boys
Do you have a bf/gf:: yes!!
If so,what is their name:: jimmy
How long have you been dating:: about a year and a half
Do you consider yourself in love with them:: mhmm
Have you had your first kiss:: yeeapp
If so,when:: err age 12, march of 6th grade.

.:Friends:.
Best Friend(s):: the original8, amber, SOP friends and obvii my girls... abc bjd akm cam bdb arr
How long have you been friends:: 2 years for most, cam&abc 8 years!
Do you consider yourself a good friend:: i think so, i try to be :)
How many friends do you think you have:: who counts their friends, honestly.
Most popular:: andrea
Most conceited:: well, i say jimmy. i mean, hes my friend too sortof right? but its in a cute way!
Friendliest:: amber crystal oulettee!
Meanest:: re-fuseee to write that.
Prettiest:: oooh prettiest person i know is katie in photography.
Craziest:: me. easily. tehee
Oldest:: hm, must be molly!
Youngest:: amba babes
Most recent:: err mikaela, or katie/sarah.
Smartest:: heather, or me. ee.

.:Random Things:.
What color is your mousepad:: lt blue/grey
What color is your keyboard:: black and white
What is the phrase you use the most online:: nm or hey
Did you like this survey:: ahahah yes
Are you sad that it's over:: uuhhmm.
What are you gonna do after this survey is over:: FRIGGIN EAT!!!!
Do you like pop-up ads:: no. who DOES!?
How long have you been online:: 30 mins

the night rains, and some may ask

"why is god crying, what are these tears for?"

outside the safety of us the storm is worse,

the thunder claps and the lightning streams out of the sky.

you laugh, you smile, you are.

so they say, this wont fade

and you agree, you nod your head through the telephone

as you say "i promise."

but i say how, because its too long.

and you say "because i love you, and that wont change"

its somehow okay.

somehow this is going to be okay,

easy no never. fun probably not,

but okay, i think yes.

you say you miss me a lot when youre gone,

that you love me so much.

the rain has stopped and the night is nice almost,

breezy 65 degrees and damp all around,

smells like fresh rain and earthy soil.

you laugh some more, i dont care that we arent but hardly conversing

cause the sound of you breathing makes me feel okay,

the way you say my name every once in awhile to see if i'm there

makes it okay that we arent otherwise talking,

and i smile because i love you.

i smile because you love me.

the breeze sways the curtains around and they frolic with the wind,

you and i are unbreakable

and the city lights are fading as the night go's on, not getting younger

its quiet except for a few cars on the freeway,

except for the soft whispers of your voice

reminding me that even the best cant have everything

and somehow i feel okay,

for some reason

if i just try

this may all work out okay.

lets play a game. the game is called who-wants-alex! sound fun or what? contestant one is jimmy kane, lets give him a big applause. *alex sulks in the corner* i dont like this game, yet im the star of it. funny how that seems to occur.

mm im talking to Youseff on MSN! aah how i miss him. it's summer, sexy hot summer, and i want to go to Seeds of Peace. but i cant. meh. i had fun at amber babes, we watched 3 movies and shopped and ate. those things that tara introduced me too, twerps or whatever, are soo good and addicting. aah. junk food=soo addicting and soo bad but soo good!

and i love taralynne. i dont remember if i said that we went beaching the other day and that it rocked, if i did you hear it again. if not then well it ROCKED and im glad we hungout.

but anyyywaayys.

back to our game. jimmy darling loves alex very much, but alex is rather confused. for when she called michael at 530, michael said that jimmy didnt want to talk to her. and then mike tells alex that jimmy told mike that alex & jimmy were all broken up. but no one had tooldd alex this. hence, alex gets confused. and now alex is waiting for that jimmy bum to call. humm.

but see, why would jimmy tell michael that we broke up? did he even SAY that? and why didn't he want to talk to me? does he even care, does he even miss me? because im here at home going crazy barely able to keep it together and i want to break down all the time, i miss him it's terrible this is the hardest thing ever. why doesnt HE have that problem too? :? egh! stupid stupid shutup alex!!

and to sum that all up, i know he adores me so whats going on? i hate michael cowie, whats new there, he should die. and my hair is getting pretty blonde and rather long!!

well its not so bad, youre only the best i ever had.

and on the radio is a sad song,

that i don't want to hear anymore,

but all the doors are locked

and its too late to turn back now.

--low millions--

i miss you. whereever i seem to go, the ghost of you, of us weeks ago, tags along with me. i want to become busy and absorbed to stop thinking about you, to stop missing you. do you miss me too? are you too busy to even care? i hope not.

i need to go into my room and stuffs but first ive got to just.. vent.. or whatever. i dont even know, supposedly madeliene and i are going up to see jimmy and michael on friday. but friday night i go to amber's, so it's kindof like err.. i want to go up next week too, but i don't knoww. i dont like this and i knew i wouldnt like this and everyone tried to tell me that i wouldnt mind this. but oh, i mind this.

well school tomorrow, awards assembly with the whole school at 1. at least we get out of classes even though itll be too hot and boring in the gym.. meh. then im babysitting from 3-6, which is good because i need the money (as always) and tuesday i'm babysitting olivia from 530-830. so that's good money, and stuff to do lots. cool i guess. eerrghh, i just feel so bummed.

we talked so quick on the phone for maybe 4 minutes and it didnt sound like he missed me, but maybe thats because michael was right there? i dont know. i hate this. its stupid. i hate how emotional i hafta be, i wish i could just not CARE about him being gone and continue living. but no, i get all sad and moppy. oh tragic, stupid alex.

i can see it in your eyes,

you mean all that you say

--anberlin--

its easy once you know how its done

you cant stop now its already begun

you feel it runnin through your bones

and you Jerk it out.

not much to say i suppose. lots of feelings, nothing to be publicized.

going to the lakehouse for the weekend! with this crazy humid weather itll be nice. maybe some cool relaxing time, or maybe good guitar time too. but it sucks half too.

meh.

people are stupid

you see, they were never apparent

to anyone but them

they were only alive to each other

she was surreal and he was envied

what they had is now mine to tell

and its crazy when I think of it

how fast they came and went and

fell back together again

and they weren’t at all the same

she was quiet and conserved

never the same if it started to snow or rain

it wasn’t different,

he was just blind to notice

how quick the grey sky seemed to stay

and he wasn’t really insane

he just was the first to grasp

that losing her was a bullet to the head

they all told her that his heart was broken,

all because she'd gone

and no one understood why she didn't go back to pick up his pieces

but honestly, it wasn't the same

the timing was all wrong and it was her fault this go round

she would've liked him back,

but there was more then what met the eye

no one knew that all she wanted was one last time

to hold him to make him safe

hmm, i wrote that awhile. i think it's kindof cool. i'm really good, actually. really really good. cause i'm in love, and cause i have amber. and because we have 2 weeks of school until summer and tomorrow its going to be 90. hot hot hot.

 

i want a love that refreshes spontaneously, eskimo kisses before i fall into a deep slumber and lavious champagne. i want a kiss on the lips that makes me feel so weak i could die, and words whispered into my ear so softly i could drown into the ocean's waves.

today were auditions for semi after school. you raise me up ROCKED. they told us we got in, bc we were so good. i was happy. i did good with my song too, but i dont know if i got in with that until tomorrow.. bleh. i dont think i did, but i thought i did well anyway.

mrlawless is being a bum today and he got mad at me for passing notes, but thats okay. we have a 10point extra credit thing we can do, and i'm definitely doing it because extra credit in his class can NEVER hurt. it was kindof a boring day, really, especially because it just keeps raining all the time. we've had sucky weather for far too long. and worse, its gona continue for the next TWO WEEKS. ugh. and that means no tennis.. bummer, i hate maine.

i'm so cold all the time now that it's all cold outside. err! it's almost june, it's ridiculous. whatever. i love brittany, she's cute and i'm glad i met her i hope she can be my friend next year. i don't want highschool, i don't want change, i like who i am and i want jimmy to stay and ohh..

i miss jimmy, that love.

everything here is alrighty. mum is still the same, crazy singing whatever she can think of first and throwing to gether artwork. tomorrow and friday she's up to Bar Harbor to put work up at Redfield's.. which means eggs for every meal and watching olivia bc daddy will be working lots. dad's still working lots, and when he isnt working, he's trying to find another job. bleh. and olivia was sick today, so that means even more tears than nomral. and me, i'm just about fine so long as i have a guitar.

kathy mcgregor died yesterday, sad to hear. i bet dad's upset about it.. i know he really was fond of her. mom said we'll go to the funeral. i feel awkward going because i didn't know her that well. it's sad that she died and i feel so bad for her family, her kids. it would suck..

well, alright then. it's still raining. and now its just me and livi at home, i should go be productive. ciaoo

  cant you hear me, im screaming my heart out
  the rain pours all around us and youve got nothing to say
  and baby you cant just walk away leaving me here to get wet
  i know it means more to you than this, youre just over worked
  please turn back around to make your face next to mine
  you must know that we're never really over, not today or in a year
  baby please just kiss me hard or hold me tight,
  i'm screaming my heart out and i feel too cold on this summer's night
  your voice is lonely and it sounds so afraid
  just let yourself go, let yourself be easy with me
  whyre you sighing and whats on your fragile mind,
  i can read into you like a book of glass
  baby dont just let it all go and say that everythings okay
  all i want is to talk to you for awhile, for a little particle of time
  and as the rain gets harder the fading of your taste grows greater
  why cant i ever leave us alone?

bethtosome42: alex you are a strong girl, you know whats right and whats not, you are my inspriation

people are a pain the BUM. honestly! these girls leaving messages on my AIM and picture trail sites telling me to dump jimmy, oh jimmy doesnt love you. jimmy doesnt love me MY ASS. i know he loves me. he says theyre just jealous, he says he wants to be with me forever. so whoever you are, stay out of our relationship and find your OWN. dipshit :)

anyway, i'm very good! i went shopping today with bethany. got the *cutest* clothes, a white with flowers tunic and chunky orange bead necklace to match, polkadoted orange&hot pink flipflops, and a very awesome green polo tee. all for like $25. sweet! and then last night i went to beth's talent show, her voice is so beautiful. then we hung out and watched lots of one tree hill until 3 am or so, and finally crashed on the couch together. it was a blast.

jimmy is good, we hung out yesterday instead of today. i was kindof bummed because i wanted to do  his suprise today! but i have the whole 4 day weekend to do it, so i can. and im excited because memorial day ill be at acoustic coffee and he's coming, yay. but hes so good. i miss him, and we have until thursday to get through..

get the hell away from me,
im telling you to stay the fuck away
and if you arent gonna listen
youre going to have hell to pay

pinkchik 31: youre so cutee

BlondeChicka52: your so adorable:-*

seeds of peace
leaving tonight was hard as hell.. i feel incredibly blessed to know all of you, the memories are infinite. i wish i had all my life to talk like i was british while drinking cream with a bit of coffee

*mona howdyy guurrl, i wish i was ghetto like you ;D
*heather you are beautiful and remember the man+dq!!
*maryke id give many bean cans to tell you to shutup at 2am, yes i miss you that bad
*amber my love, youre my best friend and my smile. without you i wouldnt be who i am, i love you and i will always be there when you need a friend to lean on.
*audrey i owe you pics, youre so adorable hun.

err. i need nine inch nails new cd. that guys voice is soo fucking sexy, if he sang to me in that breathy sexy way that he wanted to do  me i would let him. yeah, thats making a point!

so today was bleh. it kindof sucked. whatever. jeremy is getting wierd stalker notes in his locker, 4 of them today. or maybe 3, whatever. i think its tara&molly. he thinks its ej. britt thinks its tara. jules thinks its molly. its just plain wierdd. science was fun, though. brittany and i just kindof laughed at everything, tried to shove popsicle sticks in jeremy's nose. i dont know why that was so awesome but at the moment it was hilarious and quite amusing. anyway.

we, being britt allie huber jeremy and i, rehersed you raise me up today for like 30 mins during 4th block. that was awesome. it is so beautiful, our voices blend perfectly. i'm pysched. and im trying to write a song to play too, but i dono if i'll have time. i need to go to starbirds to pick up sheet music. ergh, so little time. if i could drive life would be insanely good!

yeah. britt says she would get drunk with me. i bet i'd be fun to be drunk with, only i don't want to get drunk. so i just ruined that plan. i want to have a semi after party with a lot of girls, hmm. but the problem is that half my friends dont get along. whatever. whores.

things are a little tight at home because we're half broke. ha-ha, not exactly but. dad's got one month left of work and money is already wicked tight. bleh.. good thing im babysitting tomorrow. and andrea lavoie wants to buy a cd tomorrow also, yesss!

im freezing. the weather is so gross, it makes me feel depressed now that we've had the same dreary gray wetness for like a solid month. god. i want to go sit in the sun and soak it all up. yay, sweatshirt. the phone rang and it was some lady for mum.. i think it was a, whats it called, tellymarketer. yes. but im warm because i grabbed my sweatshirt when i brought her the phone.

today i get to pick up my pictures! ah! i cant wait to see them. and last night i got a new venus paradise razor.. woo. i almost got an electric one but freaked out and decided that they're too scary. hmm. at least my new one is this sexy pink color oo la la!

im kindof just rambling, whatever. we played softball today in gym. yeah, that was okay. i hate softball. i hate baseball too.  i cant find good music right now, this is bugging me. er! i want to go eat brownies. i'm going to get fat if i keep eating the way i am, oh well. or maybe my boobs will just become a c-cup. uck, that would be horrible.

i dare you to move.

the world is so perfect suddenly, is that just because i'm closer to you? am i melting just because you held me? am i close to getting to heaven merely because you whispered that you needed me? yes, i think so.

when i'm in your arms, you have complete power over me, and it makes me want to make me near you always. <333

when i see you, i come so close to melting. my stomach still gets butterflies whenever you're in the same room as i am. when you say soft and sweet, "i love you", i know that i wont ever be able to be without you. my love i'm in so far deep now, please dont break me.

your words can crush things that are unseen, so please be careful with me, i'm sensitive

you make me smile, you make me laugh, the world is a nirvana and a eutopia with you. i hope this never fades.. <33

its because you kiss so perfectly.

there's no time to think, only time to feel

your hands are on my waist and

my lips are finally closing in on yours

and all I can feel is your breathe on my neck

I’ve never been this close to heaven

and when you whisper those 3 words softly, sweetly

I think I’d rather melt than not have your delicate touch

gah, today i have had so many cough drops and all kinds of medicines and i've nearly died of boredom, and i still don't really feel better. being home sick sucks, because i cant DO anything. no one to talk to, nothing to laugh at, i cant sing because of my throat. err!!

and jimmy said he'd call at 8 but he hanst called me yet.. if he doesnt call by 8:40 i'm going to bed. *sighs* i love him many moons, but i dislike that he so often puts me in the back of his mind to hang out with john or mike.

in the same way that i hate staying home sick, i hate the thought of having to sit in chairs at tables learning for 6 1/2 hours tomorrow, or running 6 laps in tennis then hitting a yellow ball around. ehh.. whatever

10 minutes until it's 8:40. *wails* why cant he just call please please please. mom is out at some business class, so we had eggs and toast for dinner. olivia and dad are watching american idol, and im not staying up to watch one tree hill and for once i dont care. bleh. i'm bored and sick and i should go to sleepy land but i'm waiting patiently..

hiding underneath my blankets and sheets, i'm finally free.

right now i'm so in love with you.
and i don't want to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do.
lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars.

[Chorus]
nothing quite like the feel of something new.
maybe i'm all messed up.
maybe i'm all messed up.
maybe i'm all messed up in you.
this is the only time i really feel alive.

i swear i just found everything i need.
the sweat in your eyes the blood in your veins are listening to me.
i want to wrap it up and swim in it until i drown

--nine inch nails, the only time

i feel very alive, very like myself. last night bethy slept over and we had such a blast! we walked to dunkin donuts in the rain, with sunglasses and umbrellas, talking on walkietalkies while we were right next to eachother. then we paid in ALL change. mwahha! it was fabulous, to be crazy and misfit with a partner in crime. mhm, i love life. and i'm overflowing with excitement to see jimmy today just because i love him, i love him, he loves me. oh, its beautiful.

anna nalick is playing.

it's raining outside,

and it's so cold.

i like anna nalick,

her lyrics are so deep.

i'm home alone, ive never felt

quite so alone

[well, yes i have.]

but i still feel lonely

were did all the people go, and why do i feel this way

anytime i'm by myself?

why can't i just feel beautiful?

mm this music is so great!!

i have a whole two hours for me

i should do something FABULOUS

maybe i will!

last night was cute.

jimmy is a good boy,

he kept his promise

he picked up his phone

he took it all away for the night

and i'm so in love with him

i wish people would stop saying shit

about our relationship, him, me

it's not their freaking business.

but we snuggled a lot

we watched a movie

we just needed to be together

well, i always wanna be with him

i took a shower this morning

it was nice, i sang jewel songs

while i washed my hair.

then i went to the mall with

bethany!

i got cute polka dot a&f undies,

bethy got the same ones!! :D

too adorable.

i got the switchfoot cd to replace

the one i lost in the rental car in DC

and anna nalick! (shes my new idol.)

and i got mom some chocolates

from Lindt, for mum's day. she'll like it

i'm gonna burn her a cd too,

of rainy day songs (like anna nalick,

im not obsessed though!)

well, i love jimmy <3

abbi and joey are together.

this is all so awkward,

i feel like such a third wheel

but maybe thats okay

i think its my turn

i think its my time to hurt.

greenday was fabulous,

the whole place smelled like pot and sweat

but thats okay.

the show was more than inspiring,

more than brilliant.

music is mystifying if i do say so!

and they had cool lighting.

they had people go on stage, then the guy who played

billie jo's guitar got to KEEP IT!

yes i was mad jealous.

and during the encore they blew confetti

all over, it stuck to me

'cause i was wet from the water guns.

oh, it was bliss-like.

i liked last night snuggle-time,

i liked being in jimmy's arms

and the way he holds me

the way he holds me..

i dont care what other people say

i know jimmy,

the ones who DO know jimmy

he does love me.

our relationship has a lot of depth

and no one else understands

besides us.

but thats okay, i love him

so much.

spies hide in every corner

they all keep telling me to forget  you

but i cant ever seem to forget you

so i try to push you to the back

but you dont ever seem to wanna move

so maybe youll just stay here

and maybe ill just be unaware

ill try to pretend you dont cause me pain

but you do, oh you do.

and i cant even tell you when you ask,

"are you mad at me"

i feel guilty letting you down

even when youre the one who let me down in reality

so cant you just pick up your phone

cant you just call yourself on it for once, make it feel right

all i wanted was to say that i love you

and that i need you..

i believe in the faith that grows
and the four right chords can make me cry
when i'm with you i feel like i could die
and that would be all right, all right

hm, tonight i played open mic at acoustic coffeee. it was pretty cool. bethy tagged along, that was a blast. we walked around a little after i'd performed 'cause it's such perfect weather out. but, beside the point. we chatted with this guy named seth. he performed first, he wasn't that good. but whatever, he was nice and i like talking to people who are musicians too. so, he said he'd love to see me play again and i should try to go more often 'cause i'm good:) awesome. the other musicians weren't that inspiring tonight, but looking around the cafe was. just seeing all the different people, trying to guess what they were like. you know. i love the smell in that place, the mix of cigarettes and coffee. mm, that smell makes me feel right at home.

ah, i wish i could just live there! or perform. well, i want to expand my horizons. i just wanna sing and write songs and perform all the time, i want that to be my life. i dont know if i wanna be big, or if i just wanna play. i dont know, but i have time to figure it out.

i was so glad bethy came, she's my little groupie in a sense. but really, she's at all my shows and everything, every time i'm the star of whatever she's there cheerin' me on. you can't ask for anything more than that, that's true friendship and decidation. ooh i just love having a best girly friend!

well, jimmy kinda ditched me today. i went to his house with john and mike, it was okay. for the first time, kisses dont make things better and neither do "i love you's". what would make it better is sincerity, honesty. i want a mature relationship... annddd i dont think im gonna be finding that nearby any day soon. oh, this will work it's way out some time.

Bramhall Pub, 769 Congress St. Friday’s at 9 open mic- maybe?